


Return to Sender

by indestinatus



Category: NCIS
Genre: Episode: s17e05 Wide Awake, Episode: s18e06 1mm, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Love Confessions, Post-ep 18x06, The Letter, this is so silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29219307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indestinatus/pseuds/indestinatus
Summary: Stuck inside a tiny cell with a ticking bomb ready to detonate, Ellie and Nick find themselves discussing a topic they thought they never would - a letter once written inside of a dream.(AKA my take on what Nick wrote Ellie while hypnotized during 17x05 and what happened post-last scene of 18x06.)
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 35
Kudos: 144





	Return to Sender

**Author's Note:**

> for rio.
> 
> [Return to Sender](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PU5xxh5UX4U) \- Elvis Presley

Ellie takes another breath, her chest constricting with the effort of keeping the foot that rested atop the bomb triggering mechanism still. It's outstanding how much harder an action becomes when you're not allowed to do it at all. Yes, she's been trained to survive in bad scenarios like that, but no one can prepare themselves enough to face them when the danger is real. Very real—she reminds herself as she glances at the bundle of wires resting just above the cell door. 

Nick's been pacing back and forth for some time now, which isn't helping. Ellie knows he doesn't react well when there's a problem and nothing he can do about it, but she would be immensely glad if he just stopped moving so much. Somehow, he got phone service when he stepped onto the toilet inside her cell, and the only thing that calmed Ellie's heart was knowing that Gibbs assured the bomb squad was on their way. Nick wanted to leave and try to deactivate the bomb himself, but there was no way she would let him. It was dangerous enough to let him pass her once, she wouldn't risk it again. 

She couldn't lose him. 

Ellie looks at Nick again, who is now stretching his neck to the outside to try to peek at the bomb again between the bars. She knows there's a slim chance he could save them, but it would be best if they waited for the squad to arrive. She just needed to distract him long enough. 

"You asked what we were going to do about that." 

Nick's gaze snaps to hers, and Ellie sees the impatience in his eyes. "What?"

Carefully, she waits for Nick's eyes to settle on her, and Ellie feels her heart beating faster for a reason that doesn't have to do with the trigger under her feet. 

"You asked me what we were going to do about 'that'. Did you mean… deactivating the bomb or did you mean something else?" 

Ellie watches him closely and doesn't miss when a flicker of understanding passes Nick's eyes. He knows exactly what she's referring to, but she's not sure if he'll be the one of them to address it first. 

Nick leans on the wall in front of her, crossing his arms. For a split second, he squints, and Ellie knows he's deciding whether or not to lay his cards on the table. That afternoon alone was enough for something to shift between them, but Ellie still didn't understand what, exactly. Danger brings people together, but she knew Nick for long enough to know that it went beyond that. 

He had made it clear he couldn't lose her either. 

"What something else?" asks Nick, his eyes focused but more relaxed now—she was successful in distracting him, at least.

Ellie returns the smirk. "You tell me." 

Nick looks away when he can't fight the corner of his lips tilting upwards. 

"I don't know what you mean." 

"Hm." From the look in his eyes alone, Ellie knows he understands exactly what she means—that they were talking about _them_.

It became somewhat clear throughout the years that there was undeniable chemistry between them, but Ellie was also painfully aware there couldn't be any more than that. Their boss had rules against it - whatever it was that she secretly hoped for some days, alone, late at night - but it went beyond that. By acknowledging that they possibly felt something stronger towards each other was to create more risks than they already had - to trust him as a partner was different than to see him as a man. Nick was her coworker, even if sometimes Ellie saw him as more than just a friend. 

Her heart proved to be more difficult to control than all of her other senses combined. 

The brief amusement from the moment shared between them dissipates as fast as it arrived, and Nick glances at the broken glass panel of the window, sighing before restarting his worried pace across the small area of the cell. Ellie stares at him, wondering if he was uneasy as much as he was blind to what walking nonstop could do to her ongoing effort of keeping still. 

"Nick," Ellick's voice reveals her annoyance. 

"Yeah?"

Ellie bites the inside of her lower lip. "Would you please stop moving?" She sighs. "It's not helping."

After a moment of confusion, Nick appears to realize what she means, and his gaze turns embarrassed instantly. "Sorry. I'm not really comfortable with enclosed spaces." 

With his shoulders down as he glances impatiently at the outside of the cell, Nick looks so miserable it's almost pitiful. Ellie realizes it's because there's nothing he can do to help them. He can't save _her_. Not this time, or ever. He needs to understand she's not someone that _needs_ to be saved. She knows it's a concept she would still need to adjust for him to comprehend. Maybe she can even ask Jack to help her. But right now, there really is no point in forcing it down - not again. 

Maybe keeping the air light would be best for both of them - if only to forget the reality they were facing, or even to stop blocking whatever was constantly bubbling underneath the surface when the two of them got alone. Even if momentarily. Even if Ellie had now trained herself to stop thinking about that. 

"Nick Torres confessing his fears?" 

Nick's eyebrows shoot up, clearly surprised by her change in tone. He stays worried, though. 

"It's not a 'fear'." His shoulders hunch up defensively. "I just wish I could get out without having to wait for help to arrive. If only you let me-"

"You can't." 

"But if-"

Ellie shakes her head. "I won't let you, Nick. Just… relax, OK? They're on the way and there's too much to risk." She tries to think of something that would make him stop worrying so much. "C'mon, ask me something." 

Nick huffs out a breath, somewhat amused. "What?" 

"Ask me something you want to know, and I'll see if I can answer it." 

"What d'you mean? Like anything?" 

Ellie lets out a shaky breath against her better judgment. This could go very wrong. 

"Sure. What do you want to know?" 

Nick ponders for a while, facing her. 

"About… what?" 

"About me. About…" Ellie's heart flips inside her chest. She closes her eyes, controlling her actions. "...Us. Or anything. Just do it. I need to think of something else other than a bomb ready to detonate under my already tired foot." 

"But you said you wouldn't have cramps."

"I won't."

"But what if-"

"Nick!"

He stops pacing, raising his hands defensively. "OK. OK, fine. Hm... What about… do you think bees will still exist in a thousand years?" 

Ellie questions her sanity and the reason she even tried starting a proper conversation to pass the time.

" _What_ ," she says through her gritted teeth. 

"You said to ask anything," replies Nick.

"So, you want to discuss bees?" 

"Aren't they in danger?" 

" _We_ , Nick." She points a finger between them. " _We_ are in danger." 

"You said you wanted a distraction." 

"OK. Fine. Bees." Ellie pinches the bridge of her nose. "No, I think they will still exist."

"Really?" Nick seems genuinely curious. 

"Well, I haven't really thought about it." 

"You should." He points an accusatory finger in her direction. "Kasie told me they're disappearing."

"Why would you even discuss bees."

"Why not? What if it's the first sign of an incoming apocalypse?" 

"I think the world has bigger problems right now than the extermination of bees." 

"Like what?"

Ellie huffs sardonically. "Like a ticking bomb ready to explode right next to us!"

Their gazes meet and Ellie realizes instantly that Nick meant no wrong. Her stomach churns with guilt, and she wipes her forehead, suddenly feeling very tired. She just wants to get out of there. It was enough to fail in catching a suspect - even if Gibbs caught him later, fortunately - but adding 'igniting a bomb ready to detonate in a basement located in the middle of nowhere' wasn't the best of outcomes. She just wants to call it a day and go home. 

Suddenly, Ellie feels a pressure on both her shoulders and almost jumps before she looks up to see that Nick is now much closer—his hands gripping her shoulders tightly but not hurtfully. His thumbs calmly trace her upper arms and Ellie feels her breathing calming down even if her heart speeds up to such a wild gallop, she questions if Nick can hear it. He's not looking at her, but rather down, where her foot is. Nick places his feet on each side of hers, and Ellie feels immediately less tired than a second before, now with the support she didn't know she needed. 

Their gazes meet again and Ellie's lips part involuntarily. If it weren't for the fact that she was already leaning against the cell wall, she would’ve taken a step backward to give him space - but Nick doesn't seem to mind. His eyes reveal a peace she doesn't recognize, but Ellie understands what it means - that they were partners, and even if she doesn't want to be saved, he would be there for her. He would fight right along her side. 

"Have you heard any news from Tony and Ziva, lately?" Nick asks, and Ellie can’t contain the surprise at the question.

"Hm. Last time I heard, they were planning a trip to Tel Aviv for Ziva to show them around. Why do you ask?"

Nick breathes, and a flicker of a smile appears hidden in the corner of his mouth. "Just wondering. It's nice to know they got what they wanted." 

Ellie forces herself to blink. He’s mind-numbingly close. 

"To be a family?"

"That too, but… Freedom. To do what they like. To travel, and make plans and… choose each other. To find someone while in this job isn't easy, but I guess it worked out for them." 

Nick stares at her and Ellie thinks he’ll kiss her. The air feels tighter than it did seconds before, and through Nick’s tired eyes, Ellie sees he means something completely different than what he’s saying. They flicker to her mouth for a split second and Ellie is surprised with herself - she somehow saw that coming. 

When she meets Nick’s gaze again, Ellie feels a calmness that doesn’t belong to her. Slowly but confidently, she lets herself smile, and catches Nick’s eyes sparkling as she does so. They understand each other - even without making it clear - and that is one of the miracles between them. 

"Yeah,” she says while they continue to stare at each other, “I guess it did work out for them."

They stay silent for some time. Ellie wonders what is going on inside Nick’s head, but decides it’s best not to ask him. Watching him swallow dry, she questions if he’s balancing all the pros and cons about them like she’s doing until Nick breathes somewhat harshly and Ellie guesses he’s preparing himself to say something important. 

And just like that, she can’t breathe again. Her heart feels stronger than any bomb, its pulse clear at her fingertips. 

"Ellie?" asks Nick in a breath. 

"Hm?" Ellie feels a shiver down her spine. 

"What did I write in that letter?" 

Letter? Ellie stops, thinking about his trail of thought that got him thinking about the letter he wrote her while hypnotized. But that had been _months_ ago. How come he only addressed it again now? Was it something that stayed constant in his mind? Yes, they were sharing a moment of vulnerability - Nick’s feet holding Ellie’s own between them while atop a ticking bomb - but for that to be a question he thought important meant he still took what he wrote into consideration. 

Does Nick even know what he wrote to her? From the look on her face alone when she showed him the letter, he should’ve known. She remembers his words clearly. 

“I think you know.”

Nick struggles to speak. “I really don’t remember. Did you ask me to write something? Did I do that willingly?”

Ellie pauses. Nick's eyes speak the truth. He doesn't know, for sure, at least, what that letter holds—but it's not her place to tell him. And even if she wanted to, Ellie knows in her heart she couldn't. It's something that he needed to see for himself—and she couldn't force it.

“You were hypnotized," Ellie replies, choosing her words carefully. "For a long time. You made jokes about all of us and we pranked you a little in return… But you deserved it. Nothing much. By the end of it, you grabbed a piece of paper and started writing.”

“What? What did I write?”

“Important things." Ellie sees the turmoil in Nick's eyes. He really appears to not remember a thing. "For me to know.”

“For you?" He asks nervously, searching for the answer in her eyes. " _About_ you?”

Ellie almost pities his awkwardness about the matter. But she knows it would be exponentially worse if he knew what he'd said about her.

“You addressed it to me.”

“Was it something… Revealing? Did I say something strange? I was dreaming, so… Don’t… Just take it with a grain of salt. I didn’t mean them.”

Ellie's eyebrows shoot up. “Really?”

“I can’t remember it, so I think it’s safe to say it’s better if you don’t give them meaning.”

Ellie blinks. Would his posture stay the same if he knew what he had written her? 

“It sounded meaningful to me," she replies, looking deep into his eyes. "I found it very touching."

Nick is helpless now. He searches for any confirmation in her face but finds none. Ellie wonders if he knows. He must've known. Of course, it was something revealing. Of course, it was about her. Of course… Ellie hopes he meant them. Even if she cannot create any false hope… She wishes Nick was honest. His words appeared to be.

“Ellie," Nick asks quietly, "What did I write?”

Ellie pauses. She wants to tell him. She wants to know if what he meant was true. But with her eyes locked with his and still pondering if telling him is the right choice, Ellie doesn't have time to think when life steps in and chooses for her. 

Hollow echoes of distant footsteps sound down the stairs, getting closer and closer until a foreign voice asks them to stay calm and start giving them short instructions. Fully protected and working fast, the bomb squad immediately begins the job of disarming the bomb, and even if some part inside Ellie dies because of the interruption, relief instantly floods her veins. 

The sound of 'clear!' is music to her ears, and as she takes out her foot from the trigger and nothing happens, Ellie feels like she could kneel on the ground right on that dirty prison cell. She's taken by the steady hands of a man from the bomb squad, and she realizes only then that she was in fact shaking. 

Soon they're outside, safe and distant from the bomb, the sky already turning into the hues of night. Ellie takes a deep breath and glances at Nick—only to find him already watching her. 

And somehow she knows, from the flicker of recognition she sees in Nick's eyes, that not only he was watching her all along - from the entrance of the bomb squad to their work in disarming it to them getting out safely from the cell - but also that he knew. He must have seen it in her face. Ellie had made it clear.

Nick Torres knew that he had confessed himself to her in that letter. 

* * *

The steam of the shower is a warm embrace as Ellie steps out of it to dry her damp hair with a towel. Inhaling deeply, she feels so relaxed, her eyes are closing with tiredness that doesn't seem that unpleasant anymore. 

Gibbs had sent them home as soon as they stepped into the bullpen, but seeing McGee back on his place had been a good surprise. The team was complete again, and Ellie didn't complain - she needed a long, very long nap. 

A couple of hours later, she only realized she was waiting for the doorbell when it rang—and from the look in Nick's eyes, to see her well and breathing was also a great relief. 

They didn't touch the topic of the letter again. They joked about being close to danger too often, and as Ellie asked him if we wanted to drink something while he waited for her to shower, Nick sat on her bed and started searching for a movie for them to watch. That was usually how it went—to dismiss vulnerability over any common task was more appealing than to address whatever was bubbling underneath the surface. Even if constantly and inescapable. 

Ellie steps into her room and opens a small smile. Nick is on his side, sleeping with his arms crossed and rigid over her blanket—but as light air passes through his parted lips, something flips inside of her chest. The television is a white noise that echoes inside the room, but they're too tired to pay any heed. Padding barefoot towards the bed, Ellie starts to feel her eyes close again—it won't take long for her to fall too. 

She sits on her side of the bed and glances and Nick again. He looks peaceful, even while crossed-arm, and Ellie chuckles. Only Nick would pull that off - trying to look strong even while sleeping - but she thinks it wouldn't take long for him to truly relax. They were very tired and with reason. 

Her heartbeat is somewhat erratic inside her ribcage, even if her breathing is heavy and slowing down. To watch Nick sleep is a rare opportunity - for Ellie usually dozes off faster whenever they watch a movie there - and her thoughts quickly drift again to what he might be thinking. Or dreaming about. 

Could they be dreaming about the same thing? Her awake and him asleep - could they both be dreaming about a world together? A future where things were kind and easy, and meaningful, a future where they belong? 

Ellie doesn't want to doubt anymore, and before she can even process what she's doing, she's up again, walking towards her desk. She opens the last drawer and her fingertips find the familiar paper texture with ease - the corners of the letter worn by handling. 

Carrying her heart on a string, Ellie opens it for the hundredth time and lets her eyes dance over the words she already has memorized. She smiles, like every time she reads it, and can't fight the laughter that bubbles inside her chest, growing and true. The words were too "Nick" to even question if he meant them—though she really wishes to know if they were real. 

Ellie glances over her shoulder to where Nick is sleeping only to find him surprisingly without the constant frown on his brow. His face is finally relaxed, and as the air passes through his mouth, it almost appears as if he's laughing as well - a smile well hidden in the corner of his lips. 

Her heart beats steady at the sight - they deserve a good night of sleep. They deserve a whole lot more than that if she lets herself think about it, but Ellie decides that it is better to sleep for the time being. It's better to dream than to face reality awake, even if the dream is now laying right next to her. 

Opening the empty drawer, Ellie leaves it empty. She doesn't put the letter away again but decides to leave it somewhere in sight, right in the middle of her bookshelf. If Nick wishes to read it, he'll read it, if he doesn't, it's not her choice to make. 

It holds words she won't forget easily. 

Returning to her bed, Ellie raises her blankets and sighs out loud when their warmth envelops her. She wonders if Nick would be better with a blanket as well, but she doesn't want to bother him. He's finally sleeping soundly after so many days of distress, it's a small miracle in itself. 

Laying on her side, his face gets mind-numbingly close to hers, and Ellie feels her heart pounding inside her chest again. She wonders what it would be like to give in to that magnetic pull he has on her and kiss him, ever so lightly. She wonders if he would wake up or continue to dream, and she wonders again if he's dreaming about her. 

Ellie closes her eyes, the words from the letter that sits on her shelf invading her thoughts one more time. Laughing about what she cannot know, she makes a final wish before she falls asleep - that Nick keeps his promise and remembers what he'd written, after all.

For that letter holds a secret, but it's already very well known. 

Love can't be defied that greatly. 

* * *

**To Ellie,**

**Things Ellie CAN'T know:**

  1. **My Abuela's secret lemon tart recipe.**
  2. **That one recurring dream about her on the beach.**
  3. **That she's stronger than me.**
  4. **I accidentally stole her bedside table clock.**
  5. **I want her. In so many ways. No puedo pensar en nada más cuando ella está cerca. Mi corazón se acelera cuando me mira con esos ojos ambarinos durante mucho tiempo. Quiero tocarla, quiero besarla, quiero tenerla. La quiero con todo lo que tengo.**
  6. **Water. Jar. Water jar.**
  7. **She's not as good at dancing as she thinks she is. I need to teach her someday.**
  8. **The reason I drink so often is to forget about what I can't have.**
  9. **She's cute when she's sitting cross-legged.**
  10. **Fuck you, Jake.**



**OK. Enough. Remember that.**

**\- Nick.**

**Author's Note:**

> Spanish translation: 
> 
> _I want her. In so many ways. I can't think of anything else when she's around. My heart races when she looks at me with those amber eyes for a long time. I want to touch her, I want to kiss her, I want to have her. I love her with everything I have._

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Where He Belonged](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29309559) by [onlyhereforellick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyhereforellick/pseuds/onlyhereforellick)
  * [Dancing lessons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29494854) by [Bishopsdream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bishopsdream/pseuds/Bishopsdream)




End file.
